![Meghan, Duchess of Sussex](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/columnists/2023/08/16/TELEMMGLPICT000325754486_16922014132320_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqkZdGXfzOPVSbO-9sH583REidrhLnGaHHhR6FJ9N0-H0.jpeg?imwidth=680)
![Meghan, Duchess of Sussex](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/columnists/2023/08/16/TELEMMGLPICT000325754486_16922014132320_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqkZdGXfzOPVSbO-9sH583REidrhLnGaHHhR6FJ9N0-H0.jpeg?imwidth=680)
All week, the papers have been full of photos of the Duchess of Sussex wearing some futuristic new “anti-stress” device. But there’s still one crucial question that no one has managed to answer.
Why on earth would she need one?
Admittedly, I’ve never been a multi-millionaire former actress with a nine-bedroom California mansion, friendships with America’s biggest celebrities, a $100 million Netflix deal and a prince for a husband. But I had no idea it was so stressful.
Perhaps it’s the cost of living crisis. The bill for heating her swimming pool must have soared. And in the past year I’m sure all of us have had to cut back our spending on private jets.
Come to think of it, maybe that’s why she and Harry reportedly tried to cadge a flight on Air Force One with Joe Biden a little while ago. They weren’t being arrogant. They were just trying to save money.
Some observers, however, believe that Meghan may have an alternative reason for showing off her swanky new “anti-stress” gadget. In numerous media outlets, there’s renewed speculation that she’s planning to rebrand herself as a “wellness guru”, in the style of Gwyneth Paltrow. This would fit in with the rumours from spring that the Duchess wants to relaunch her website, The Tig, as a rival to Gwyneth’s website, Goop.
For the Duchess’s sake, though, I hope it isn’t true. She could never beat Gwyneth – for the simple reason that Gwyneth is a far more aspirational figure. Put it like this. Given the choice, whose life would you rather have? Gwyneth’s or Meghan’s?
No contest. It’s got to be Gwyneth’s. This is because, despite her eccentricity, her twaddle about “nourishing the inner aspect”, and her belief that a vibrator makes a suitable gift for Father’s Day, Gwyneth clearly enjoys life. She seems not just rich and glamorous, but fun.
It’s hard to say the same of Meghan. Ever since she fled the Royal family, she’s been associated, in the eyes of millions, with victimhood and self-pity, not blissful contentment and joy.
Anyway, for Meghan to stand any chance of rivalling Goop, she’d have to compete in its core market – by flogging her own brand of sex toys. If she wants to cling on to her royal title, this probably wouldn’t be the wisest move. And on top of that, I doubt her sex toys would even be sexy. As with everything else she does, she would somehow manage to make them seem earnest and worthy: all about promoting “empowerment” and “compassion” and “equity”. Imagine. “Dildos for Ethiopia: because the vulnerable deserve orgasms too.” Or: “This Candle Smells Like My Valiant Efforts to Unlock Systemic Cultural Change through Impactful Action to Serve Communities in Need.”
On the whole, then, I really don’t think this “wellness” lark sounds like a winner. Still, you never know. Perhaps, contrary to the rumours, she has no such plans, and she was wearing that fancy anti-stress device purely because she likes it. Its producer, NuCalm, insists it has no “business relationship” with her, and says she’s merely a “loyal user of our technology”.
Fair enough. We know she loves to keep up with the latest trends. I just hope she’s careful. Imagine if the “Fake Sheikh” – the undercover reporter from the News of the World – were still at large. First thing he’d do is to concoct a crafty sting op, plotting to offer Meghan envelopes stuffed with cash to plug some improbable “wellness” product. Not sure what. Say, a state-of-the-art Piers Morgan repellent.
Then again, that sounds like a genuine money-spinner. Perhaps her brand would be a hit after all.
An ‘anti-stress’ patch, Meghan? I didn’t realise life in a mansion with a prince was so hard
Maybe it’s the cost of living crisis, maybe she just likes the gadget... or maybe there’s a grander plan in action