![Graham Linehan](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/columnists/2023/08/18/TELEMMGLPICT000346067100_16923844116350_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqtGQB12KHxxQCrwnTZkX0nwgWqwm85JEWpGVhFb46TTg.jpeg?imwidth=680)
![Graham Linehan](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/columnists/2023/08/18/TELEMMGLPICT000346067100_16923844116350_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqtGQB12KHxxQCrwnTZkX0nwgWqwm85JEWpGVhFb46TTg.jpeg?imwidth=680)
Funny thing, the English language. It contains a remarkable number of words that have come to mean the opposite of their original definition. “Egregious”, for instance, originally meant “distinguished, eminent”. Similarly, “awful” once meant “awe-inspiring”.
Now, it seems, we have a new example. It’s “inclusive”. Because these days, being “inclusive” means excluding people.
Just look at the statement from the Leith Arches, the Edinburgh arts venue that cancelled a comedy show featuring Graham Linehan, co-creator of Father Ted. His views, it declared, did not “align with our overall values” – because “we are an inclusive venue”.
In case you’re wondering what these horrifying “views” might be, Mr Linehan has long been a forthright critic of trans activism. To put it in plainer English, he thinks that biological males should not, for example, be playing for women’s rugby teams, or participating in speed-dating events for lesbians. (Yes, this really does happen. Only this week, a venue in London cancelled a lesbian speed-dating event after its organiser announced that biological males were not welcome.)
So, in the name of “inclusivity”, Mr Linehan was excluded. And, when he tried to take his show elsewhere, a second arts venue excluded him, presumably on the same grounds. He ended up with no choice but to perform his show in the street, in front of the Scottish parliament.
But this isn’t just about him. Quite clearly, the implication here is that anyone who shares Mr Linehan’s views deserves to be excluded, too. They deserve to be ostracised, denounced, shamed. They are infidels who must renounce their heretical beliefs, or be cast out of society.
Such an attitude is chillingly authoritarian. But not only that, it’s impractical. Because if asked, I suspect, most people in this country would agree that biological males should not be playing women’s rugby, or taking part in lesbian speed-dating.
To be truly inclusive, then, arts venues will have to exclude most of the population.
Moaning tennis stars should buzz off
As heckles go, it was certainly original. While playing in the Cincinnati Open tennis tournament on Wednesday, Stefanos Tsitsipas complained to the umpire that a woman in the crowd was trying to put him off in a very peculiar way.
Every time he tossed the ball in the air, he protested, she would make a noise that sounded just like a bee.
“It’s a buzz, right before I serve,” whimpered the fourth highest ranked player in men’s tennis. He then went to remonstrate with the woman, before returning to moan at the umpire again. “She’s imitating a bee, she’s buzzing… It’s the lady over there…”
Precisely why this woman chose to imitate a bee, of all things, remains a mystery. Personally, though, I think it’s irrelevant. In my view, paying spectators should be allowed to imitate any animal they wish. And if Mr Tsitsipas doesn’t like it, tough. He should stop moaning, and play on.
This may sound inconsiderate. But that’s how it is for competitors in most other sports. Think of the noise that footballers put up with. Throughout every match they play, it’s a constant bellowing roar – much of it consisting of extremely vivid personal abuse. And at times when the players are under the greatest stress – such as when they’re stepping up to take a crucial penalty kick – the roar grows all the louder. Thousands of their opponents’ fans are doing everything in their power to put them off.
Yet the referee doesn’t scold the crowd for making a disruptive noise. Nor does he order them to show some respect when the players are trying to concentrate. “Silence in the stadium, please. Mr Haaland is preparing to attempt a shot on goal.”
Of course not. The players are perfectly used to dealing with this sort of pressure. They expect it. And they would consider any player who couldn’t handle it to be a wimp.
But in any case, even if the referee did try to intervene, he’d be wasting his breath. Because the crowd wouldn’t be able to hear him above the noise it was making.
A Spanish seaside swindle
An unexpected new front has opened up in the Mediterranean beach wars. For weeks, holiday-makers in Spain have been battling to claim the best spots on the sand by creeping out of their hotels at the crack of dawn and laying down their towels in advance. In Mallorca, however, locals have concocted an ingenious way to ensure that the beach is all theirs.
To frighten away British tourists, they’ve been putting up fake signs that, in English, carry warnings such as “BEACH CLOSED”, “DANGEROUS JELLYFISH” and “CAUTION: FALLING ROCKS”. Then underneath, in Spanish, is a message explaining that it’s a hoax, and that locals may enjoy the beach at their leisure.
How cruel of the Spanish to use our pigheaded ignorance of foreign languages against us. But don’t worry. I know how we can get our own back.
Any Spaniard foolish enough to book a holiday in Britain this summer presumably doesn’t realise that our beaches are all covered in raw sewage. So let’s put up lots of signs in Spanish, reading: “BEACH OPEN. SPANIARDS EXTREMELY WELCOME.”
Way of the World is a twice-weekly satirical look at the headlines aiming to mock the absurdities of the modern world. It is published at 7am every Tuesday and Saturday
Cancelling Graham Linehan proves that the word ‘inclusive’ has lost all meaning
Anyone who dares to disagree with hardline trans activists risks being excluded from public life